biblical advice for every stage in life

Hoping to Marry

Hoping to Marry

Do you feel called to marriage? Let the Bible be your guide to pursuing a godly marriage.

Proactively Pursuing Marriage

Most of us are called to marriage. It is the natural design for fulfilling our drive for companionship and sexuality. If you are not called to celibate service (1 Corinthians 7), then a significant priority for this season of your life is preparing for and moving toward a Biblical marriage. An intentional path to finding a mate recognizes that God is at work. We also have a responsibility be faithful in our part of the process. How does a person who hopes to marry become intentional?

STEP ONE: Seek Direction Within Christian Community

We live in a day of hyper-individualism where people feel very little sense of obligation to others. God calls us, however, to vibrant community within our families and within the body of Christ. That community is the source for much of our growth as Christians, and it is one of the best means for meeting a potential spouse and receiving guidance and support toward marriage. Even in a day of online dating, marriage experts still consider matches made by friends, family, and churches to be among the best.

STEP TWO: Move Beyond Recreational Relationships

One of the clearest messages for singles in the Bible is the call to sexual purity (1 Corinthians 6:13-18, Ephesians 5:3 & Colossians 3:5). That is proving to be a difficult challenge in a day when only a quarter of Christians are virgins when they marry. Sexual purity, however, is the primary means for intentionally moving toward marriage in a recreational relationship culture. Couples who stay sexually pure honor God, and they avoid much of the confusion that plagues many of today’s relationships and can push good marriages out of reach.

STEP THREE: Seek the Right Kind of Soul Mate

A study by the National Marriage Project found that 94% of young adults believe the person they marry should be their soul mate first and foremost. That pursuit leaves many looking in vain for the perfect person who is specially designed to complete them. Both the Bible and marriage research, however, show that the more important “soul” mate to seek out is someone who shares your spiritual commitment.

STEP FOUR: Be Proactive

Living in purity and Christian community makes it easier to find a mate who shares your spiritual values. There is more you can do as a steward of your future marriage (Matthew 25:14-27). Titus 2 strongly encourages young men and women to learn from older men and women. In addition to Christian discipleship, you also can ask mentors for candid feedback about how you can improve in a variety of areas to be more prepared for marriage. Additionally, there is nothing wrong with asking mentors to keep you in mind as they become aware of other singles seeking a Godly spouse. Some of your best opportunities to be proactive will grow out of faithful prayer. As you pray about your role in finding a mate, pray for the single men and women in your life, for the help of parents and mentors, and for God’s glory in your path to the altar. He will open your eyes to opportunities you may have missed to take proactive steps toward marriage.

It is important to note that men have a distinct responsibility in proactively finding a mate. Genesis 2:24 says that a man will leave his parents and cleave to his wife. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Notice it does not say “he who stumbles over a wife” as if it is a happenstance occurrence. God calls men to do their part in seeking out women of character and showing leadership in pursuing a woman for marriage. Specifically, men should be willing to take the risk of rejection. No one likes to hear “no,” but it is a risk men of faith and leadership should be willing to face.

recommended books

Get Married

By Candice Watters

Is it okay to want to be married? Is there anything a woman who has never been married can do to make marriage more likely? Candice Watters gives women permission to want Christian marriage, encourages them to believe it's possible, and supplies the tools to get there despite our post-marriage culture. Get Married includes the author's personal journey from singleness to marriage as well as a biblical perspective on marriage. It shows how living intentionally is the key to marrying well. Get Married is a fresh and hopeful perspective that empowers single women to pray not only for their friends, parents, and churches—but the men who are (or could be) part of their lives.

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